The gift that keeps on giving.

So these past couple of days I have had the pleasure of being in the company of friends that have given me the gift of new experiences. Some new friends and some not so new...like my neighbor Joe. Joe and I recently became neighbors when I moved to the Avenue. He looks like a weathered rancher with his cowboy hat, and denim shirt. One night I came home to his family playing Icelandic Crockett on their 10ft by 20ft lawn. Not a big space for a game, but they were all dressed up and enjoying themselves with their creative spin on the game. Right away Joe is welcoming, warm, groovy, and on another plane. He loves gardening, and talks about his garden with such love and childlike curiosity. You can tell that he's in touch with another vibration. Mother nature and a love for life with all it's little creatures. Something I like to channel myself. It was such a pleasure to take a moment on my easy Saturday morning and get to know my new neighbor a little more. The sun was warm on my face, the sea breeze was running through my hair, I was barefoot, and had not a care in the world. Sure I had places I needed to be and to go, but talking to Joe seemed to put me at ease even more. There was plenty of time for it all. I was enjoying this moment. Taking time to just do something different. Reach out to my neighbor and just shoot the shit. Talk about things...simple things. About all the bee's in his garden,the flowers, the birds, and his family. Upon my leaving Joe insisted that I listen to a CD he loved. That he thought I would love too. Cascada de Flores. Joe described it as the Andrew sisters, but with a Spanish upbringing. I was delighted and moved by his generosity. We had just gotten to know each other and he was already wanting to share something that he enjoyed. Right away I was sucked in, my ears automatically falling in love with the harmonious voices coming out of my car speakers. This was a gift that keeps on giving. Hitting my core. I love it when music just speaks to you. Everything seems that much more delightful. It's like putting on rose colored sunglasses for the day and noticing all the colors around you being so much more visually stunning. The gift of new music, new experiences, new sounds. Opening my senses up to receive a heartfelt Spanish serenade accompanied by guitars, and a harmonica.

This new gift, which was shared, not purchased made me think of all the beautiful things we can share with others. The gifts that keep on giving. I'm not talking about a new cashmere sweater. I'm talking about life experiences that entice our senses, fill our hearts and make us smile. Sharing something new with someone that isn't likely to encounter it on there own. My friend Maryah took me to a play at the Ensemble theatre Friday evening. I had not known such a theatre existed. It was such a wonderful evening and we laughed alot. Later this afternoon I went for a walk with a friend on the very outskirts of Goleta. They had never been in the area before and was amazed by the beauty of the landscape. It was something new for them and I could tell that it left an impression on them. I was happy to show them something that I thought was beautiful. It's been in their back yard this whole time, but they never got a chance or took the time to explore it on their own. Even later this evening I attended a holiday party with some Save Naples volunteers. My friend Reeve gave a slide show of images he had taken of the Gaviota Coast. Images I had never seen before, places I had never been before. It was so moving and yet inspiring again. The gift that keeps on giving. Sharing experiences with our friends and families...even strangers. The gift that keeps on giving. So perhaps this holiday season. Share a beautiful experience with others that will add to their life. That will add a new perspective. Take them to your favorite surf spot, take them to collect mistle toe in the forest, take them to your favorite theatre, make them your favorite martini, show them some of your most treasured photographs and tell them why they are so special. The gift of new experiences keeps on giving. Think about it and ask yourself what you can share with someone that will touch their hearts forever that cannot be bought in a store this holiday season. This is what I hope to give to you. I hope you have a wonderful holiday everyday.

Spreading yourself thin

Spreading yourself thin, is something I should do with the cream cheese and jelly on my bagel, not something I should encourage to do in my life. There are times to push through with hard work and determination, then there are times to just surrender. Being here, being there, doing this, doing that. Time going by so quickly. I am in the process of moving into my first studio. Yes, the shoe box, but a glorified shoe box. My own space. Something that makes most free spirits feel like a caged animal. At least I have a garage space and a yard. Plus my landlord is really easy going, so it's not that bad. This week has been a marathon. I just had to re-finish my grandmothers armoire before I put one more thing into my studio. This ambition left me exhausted by Sunday evening. Visual people have a hard time with things being left undone. We are greatly affected by our surroundings. It's really hard to simply walk away and leave it for another day. Not on my watch. My pure determination left me drained. It was wasn't until I was putting the hardware back on the armoire that pushed me over the edge. I just couldn't simply do it. I had run out of patience. Before I stripped one more tiny screw from this nostalgic antique and ripped it out with rage, I walked away. I put down the screw driver and walked away. I was so proud of myself. The turning point to my obsession with needing life to be visually perfect and completed before I could move onto one more thing. It just simply doesn't work that way. I surrender. I'm leaving my visual mess for all to see.

A bowl of rice

A month has passed since returning home from my adventure in Bali. Bali, Bali, Bali. It's latched onto my heart and it just won't let go. The roots of this experience have planted themselves forever. I didn't realize the extent of it all until a recent escapade to Las Vegas and ordering Chinese food at Bills' Casino. We were in Vegas for a friends birthday party. Yes, Las Vegas. The complete opposite spectrum of the peacefulness and serenity of Bali. Crazy. What was I thinking? It's so not me. This painted picture of my identity to others as a tree hugger. In sin city? I don't know, but I still just wanted to be on the move and be amongst friends. Roll with the chaos, just as you would in Bali. Once you're on the move, it's hard to stop. Once you've up rooted, it's hard to stop. Go, go, go.

Vegas was a hoot. I had such a great time with friends, and laughed so hard, I had perma grin when I got home. My trip to Vegas gave me the realization of how much Bali had implanted in me. It all came in the form of a bowl of rice. At brunch one morning at Bill's Casino I ordered Chinese food. I don't know why, but it just sounded good. When the waiter brought me my meal, there was a bowl of white steamed rice. Purely plain white steamed rice. It hit me really hard. How the hell was I supposed to eat my rice? It's like I was eating rice for the very first time. A tug of war went on in my mind. Something like this.....
"Just use your damn spoon.....but I can't it seems so weird to use a spoon...I just want to use my hand...but I don't want all my friends to think I'm weird...or that I am trying to get attention.....just use the damn spoon....then none of this will cause any wanted attention".
For the life of me....two minutes seemed like an eternity....just to simply decide how I was going to eat my rice. My hand wanted to pick it up, pop it into my mouth and be done with it. I was starving!!
In the end I apologized to everyone at the table and ate my damn rice with my right hand. I didn't care. It seemed so absurd to eat my rice with a utensil.
It's funny how a bowl of rice can hit you like a brick wall.
And, it's happened twice now. Last week my friend Kevin and I went out for Thai food. The woman at the restuarant looked at me really weird, and urged to get me a spoon or a fork for my rice. I told her that I had a spoon and I had a fork, but that it seemed really weird to eat rice with it. So again, I ate my rice with my right hand. The waitress came over again, still surprised, but this time she gave in. She was smiling. She explained that her grandmother eats her meals with her right hand and it all seemed to bring back a feeling of nostalgia to see this American woman (me) eating my meal with my right hand.

I don't know what it is...but white rice reminds me of Bali. I never really ate much rice either, but now I crave it. It symbolizes so much more. Rice means so much. It is used in so many ceremonies. It's like gold. It's pure. It's a life force. All of this from a bowl of white rice.

My heart lives in two places. Here and there. Finding a middle ground somewhere in between is hard. I may struggle with this my entire life and I'm not prepaired for that. I'm already ready to go back....it's just a matter of time. For now, I'll just take it one day at a time.

A Roxy moment

On the last full day in Bali, I managed to get in a surf session with a couple of the local boys, Blackie Montana, and old man Lorenti. It was alot of fun. Cheering each other on and laughing at all the waves missed because some of us were really out of shape. I went after everything I could get my little fingers into and it felt so good to glide down the face. This time around I attempted to surf without my booties and my neoprene vest. It was all bikini baby. If the bottoms fall off, then so be it. This was my Roxy moment. I hardly get the chance to surf in just my kini. I wear the vest to protect my ribs, and for sun protection. I wear the booties for protection against the sharp reef....but it just isn't the same. The booties still get in the way and feel so awkward. If I was going to go home with cuts on my feet....I didn't care. It was my Roxy moment. When I say Roxy moment, I am referring to all the surf ad's that show some cute surfer girl in her kini on a tropical wave. All tan, smiling, and looking cute. Surfing doesn't always allow you to look nor feel cute. Sunblock all over your face, hidden under a thick full suit, hairs a mess, and maybe you forgot you weren't wearing waterproof mascara. Good ol racoon eyes. So this last session was my Roxy moment, with all my boys and fun surf. The hot sun on my skin, the cool tropical water, the blue waves, the back drop of palm trees and rice fields. Yes, yes...it was a very memorable day.

Besakih

The oldest palace in all of Bali. The mother temple. An hour away from Amlapura by scooter. My friend Made Nanag offered to take me there. Funny story, but I first met Nanag three years ago on the beach here at the local fishing village. He is a driver for one of the local businesses. Three years ago, one afternoon I was meditating on the black sand beach. I had my eyes closed at the time, just taking in everything and trying to just be in the moment. I could feel someone around me...it's funny how you notice that energy. You just know that someone is there. I opened my eyes and there were two little children in front of me. Like two deer in the headlights. They were only 3-5 years old. But they were so curious. As soon as we made eye contact, they ran away to there father...Nanag. So we started talking about meditation and where I was from. Three years later he catches me on the same beach meditating. He just came out of nowhere. He immediately remembered me, and we talked again about meditation. I told him I wanted to go to Besakih, and with an hour we were on the road.

Getting to Besakih by scooter is alittle rough..but it's cheaper than hiring a driver. I love the feeling of being on the back of a scooter. It's so freeing. I am definetly going to purchase a scooter when I get home. On the way to the temple you get to see less touristy villages, tons of rice fields saturated in green, and the weather drastically changes. It's cooler, wetter, and the sun is not out all the time. It likes to play peek-abo. When we arrive to the temple we purchase some offerings for prayer and I immediately put on my sarong. There is a proper way to put on a sarong, but I always let a local show me how. It's really sweet. It's like being 5 again and your mom has to help you put on your sneakers.

This temple is big. It's the oldest. Every descendent on the island belongs to a clan, which has a smaller temple within the mother temple. Whenever there is cremation, the family of the clan comes to the mother temple to get holy water for the ceremony. No matter where you live on the island, you still come to the mother temple to get holy water for this ceremony. As we walk up the temple steps, each layer of the temple is designated to a god...shiva, then the highest...Brahman. Inside the temple we pray, then sprinkled with holy water, and annointed with rice at the temple and throat. I pray for everyone I can think of. All of you. My friends and my family. After that we headed to the very top of the temple. Brahman. Where I got a chance to meditate with Nanag, and pray again. This time, it felt much more from the core. We were blanketed by a nice layer of mist, being watched by a holy man, and had the audience of dogs and chickens. It's funny how the chickens and dogs are allowed in such a holy place....but then again, it is the order of nature. Animals, land and man must all somewhat co-exist.

After being haggled by some sad faced girl for a post card...(Besakih is after all a big tourist destination and the locals know this)we headed home. I was exhausted. The extreme change in temperatures and all the wind, made me exhausted. I was ready for a nap. Said goodbye to my friend, and then passed out in my nice warm bed under my mosquito net. It was a good day. I love Bali.

Tirta Ganga

The old water palace of Karagasem of Bali. Blackie Montana and I went on an adventure. I've known Blackie for three years now. Time flies. I like to tease him and call him Casanova, because he let his hair grow out since the last time I saw him, which was in February.

Before we hit up the water palace, I was on a misson to try to find a really cool ring for my grandmother at Budhakeling. The old jewelry district of Bali. Apparently the tour guide book is wrong. There is no abundance of jewels. Apparently I need to go to Gianyar, which is too far. Oh, well. Next time. So, then we hit the road to Tirta Ganga. The last Rajan of Karangasem built the elaborate water palace as his weekend retreat. Complete with views of Mount Agung, and the ocean. Tucked away amongst all the rice fields. It is beautiful. The pools of cool fresh water are rejuvenating against the intense tropical heat. Did I mention that there are little fish swimming with you. Apparently they clean the water and filter all the moss that grows in there. The water tastes really fresh. Blackie and I played cards, went for a swim, and just bull shitted around. It was fun. As good as his english is, we still have a good laugh at the language barrier. He's a good friend, great surfer, and always has a smile on his face. He's always encouraging me to push myself out in the line up and is happy to watch me catch waves. Secretly though...sometimes, I think he just likes to watch me eat shit on a big wave and come up with big gogglie eyes.

Ceremony

Ceremony. Ahhhhhhh……what to expect. Not sure when Taman invited me to the ceremony at the local temple, here in the village. I have known Taman for three years….we met at the Homestay here, the very first time I arrived in Bali. Taman and I are like two little kids. Every time I see Taman I give her the biggest hug I can muster up. She is my Balinese sister. Her smile is very big and very warm. She is a like a mother to many people here. She is 37, never married, and no kids. She takes such good care of her family, and is very much needed. Her english is very good, although we have a good chuckle every now about our language barriers. I think you can tell the life she leads, by looking at her face. The stress, long working hours and family responsibility has aged her faster than the natural cycle of time. You can tell a person’s life sometimes by simply looking at there face. A person’s face says a lot. The complexion, the color, and the eyes. The eyes say a lot.

Life is hard here. There is a pecking order. It is known and accepted. The Balinese accept there social status with grace. Last night Made asked me if I ever get sad. They see me as a very happy person. I told them that I am very happy….what good does it do me to be sad. Life is very short. But on the other side of that, he was looking for a way for us to relate….for me to seem more real, perhaps and as equals. I told him that I do get sad, and I do get lonely. That sometimes the stress can make me sad, very tired and depressed. I meditate when I have my dark times and I pray when I do not know the answer to a situation. I wanted him to understand that money does not ensure you never get sad, that you never feel the stress of life. Right now Made is going through a tough time. His wife fainted the other day, and no one seems to know why. It has never happened before, although she does struggle with health issues. I will have to say a prayer for her when I go to Besakih; the mother temple of Bali, one of the oldest and original temples on the island. If there is anyone you want me to say a prayer for, please let me know and I will when I get to the temple.

Back to ceremony with Taman. So, Taman (which means garden) arrived at 5:30pm, and we needed to be at the temple at 6pm. You have to bathe before going to ceremony. She brought with her a lace top, a sarong, a sash and a corset..or girdle. Yes, a girdle. We had a good laugh trying to squeeze me into her girdle. It was the first time in my life I have ever felt FAT! That word does not exist in my vocab. Bloated does, but never fat. The hidden secret of the Balinese women, to have that perfect coca cola bottle figure is a girdle or corset. Yes, people, they wear sophisticated lingerie under all that traditional garb. First you put on the sarong, then the girdle, then the lace top and then the sash to hide the girdle. I did mention that the top was lace right. I didn’t mention that my bra was black. You could see right through my top! I was so embarrassed. There was no time to color coordinate my bra. I was mortified that I had to go to ceremony in front of the entire village in my lacey green see through top with my black bra. I hid behind Taman every chance I got. Had I had just five more minutes of time, I could have thrown on a more subtle selection. Of course she assured me that she goes in her bra all the time, and that it was okay to see my bra….yeah, but she also mentioned that she wears a more natural option. So of course she wouldn’t feel like some scandelous tourist. There was no way in hell I was going to go to the front of the audience to take a picture of all the women dancing. No way!

The women were amazing. All ages, making two rows into the temple, dancing there way towards the front to make an offering or say a prayer. Even the little ones ages 11 had a corset on…the becoming of age. Even the 8 year old participated in this dance. The precision and movement of there hands suggested that this knowledge was implanted at birth. After then women are finished, then men dance. A different dance, men of all ages, young and old. Everyone is sitting on the dirt floor cramped together. Children, and seniors…watching and waiting. Even during ceremony at the temple, you can tell who has more money. The traditional attire is the same, long sleeve top with sarong and sash for the women….button down collared shirt with sarong and sash for the men. They also wear a hat. If you look closer at the sarong, it says a lot. You have batik, ikat and songkit (I think this is what it is called, could be mistaken). Silk, cotton, and polyester. The sarong with gold thread woven into the pattern is very expensive (songkit), so you know that this person may come from money. Silk alone is also very expensive. Just to give you an idea of the income levels here, many people only make $80/ month, and that is with a really good job. My friend Komang is a dive master and makes about $80/month. I would say that everyone else makes a lot less. Maybe only $2/ day. I think a songkit sarong costs about 350,000 Rupia, which is $35/ USD.

After the dancing there is prayer. We pray 5 or six times. I pray for everyone and everything. The feeling you have being surrounded by so much love is amazing. It’s very special. It’s a soft gentle love. Not strong and over powering. It’s very nurturing to be here in Bali. Bali has an even tighter grasp of my heart. After a while the language starts to feel very comforting, familiar and not so foreign. I think the reason why I love Bali so much, is the connection to family and to spirit. The two most important things in my life. The things that make me whole, without them, I do not know my place in the world and that is the same for the Balinese.

I wanted to hang onto this moment forever. I wanted to savor everything around me; the dirt floor, the old brick temple with the contrast of gold and saturated color of the people. The quiet night sky. Inside the temple the sound of scooters disappears. Everyone is here. There is nowhere else to be. At the end of the ceremony we are blessed with holy water and rice. You are sprinkled with water and then you must put rice on your throat and your forehead. Rice is sacred. In a single grain of rice you hold life and all this is holy. This was my first ceremony, and I recon…not my last.

Seminyak

Seminyak. So Seminyak is right up the street from Kuta, and Legian. Without sugar coating it…it’s basically more upscale,and is the melting pot of many expats from the 80’s early 90’s. If you start to read the local magazines, a lot of the articles revolve around successful business owners in Seminyak. Chef’s, Spa owners, jewelry designers, and models. Seminyak has nicer restaurants, more lounges, more modern art with island twist, and is a great place for shopping. I bought two big ass silver rings the other day before leaving Sanur. I knew I wasn’t going to be back and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to remember the name of this shop. I can’t help it. I take after my grandmother without a doubt. I can see her possibly wanting to steal my aquamarine ring. Just to give you an idea….the stone is the size of maybe a silver dollar???? Gotta love it. It’s a lot of bling, and I don’t want to give the locals the wrong impression….like I am some rich tourist. Tourist yes….rich….depends on how you define rich….

In Seminyak you aren’t as hassled here. But you can still walk the main road and hit up a top resort/spa villa like Prana for yoga or a treatment…..and then you can walk a couple more feet and hit up the local beauty salon. I kinda like a mixture of both. I’ve paid big bucks for a treatment at one of the more popular spa’s and then the next week, gone to a local salon for a manicure. I like them both equally, but I think you are just paying more for the atmosphere. I could be wrong, but the people are equally as nice and hospitable. I’ve also visited a local vegetarian joint. The food was really good, and had a mediteranian twist. My favorite! Hummus, taboule, pita and falafel. The small local joints can still co-exhisit here. I don’t think that will be here in the next 5-10 years. I think they might get pushed out by new development. A lot of development is happening in Bali. In 15 years this place will be very different. Lots of money is coming in here. It will be interesting to see how the locals react to modernization. What everyone about this island could get squashed out….it’s funny how we can love something so much and still kill it

Kuta Kuta

Shitty pictures. It’s really not a good idea to purchase a new camera right before a big trip. The sun here is something to battle. Not only to make sure you don’t burn the hell out of your skin, but also not to over expose your pictures. I have been playing around with my camera a lot lately, and nothing seems to come out satisfactory. Everything looks like a 5 year old could have done better. Blurry, over exposed, and intense sun…Today I went out to the point to work with my housing unit and play with the camera settings. Some of the local kids were out in the water surfing and I always like to try to get pictures of the kids from under the wave; behind the take off, under the water. It’s really pretty to see the wave shape from this point of view and also the fins of the boards as they go down the line. Once the camera is in the housing unit, it’s really a pain in the ass to make any adjustments. It’s like going back to a single point and shoot. No adjusting once you’re in the water. So, I think it’s time to put money into something I will actually be satisfied with. Capturing everything on this trip will have to live inside my brain and hopefully like a movie, I can call on the experience with vivid expression.


Last week I went to Kuta. I don’t really care for Kuta. It’s great for people watching, and it is a great tourist trap or destination…but I think Kuta is kinda trashy. Going to Kuta reminds me of going to the mall. Stores with all the popular name brands (Ripcurl, Billabong, Paul Smith, Sanuk), cheap discounts, all the mainstream tourist crap, loud music, and entertaining shiny things at every corner. People from all walks of life spewing from every street, looking for something to keep them satisfied. Girls with braided hair and bikinis. Tons of the surf crowd in the usual uniform…board shorts, sunglasses, and a Bintang tank top. You can have everything you want. Kuta beach reminds me of Baywatch. Massive amounts of people sun bathing on the beach. When I arrived, I actually had no idea what I was getting myself into. The lifeguards in speedos, and sunglasses. It’s actually interesting to watch…..how a speedo changes a man….how a man puffs up his chest, sticks out his ass and finds a very specific stance in order to make the best impression on the sun bathing tourists. Don’t forget about all the tattoos and cigarettes. Being asked to buy something, or get a massage. There’s no escaping it, unless you retreat Kuta all together. But that’s a lot of Bali. Nusa Lembogan is different.

I walked around Kuta for a bit. Trying to find a couple dive shops, but gave up after an hour. The buildings are much taller, making it harder to navigate through the tight streets. I had no idea where I was going. Plus, Kuta caters to the surf crowd, not the likes of the dive crowd. So being there to represent the Bali Reef Project for volunteer support…seemed like a waste of my time. To enjoy Kuta, I think you need to have a beer in hand, possibly a cigarette in the other, and a posse of your closest friends. A couple of the locals were surprised to hear that I didn’t have fun or enjoy Kuta. Why? I can do the same thing at home. Get wasted, go dancing, flirt with men. Why? So I can say that I experienced Kuta, like it’s some Bali right of passage. It all depends on what you are into. The real Bali cannot be found in Kuta. Kuta is Disneyland for the tourists. It’s like when people come to the US from Europe and they head straight to Hollywood, or go to Vegas, or take there kids to Disneyland. It’s just the thing to do. Someone else can live my Kuta experience for me. I think Seminyak is more my style for drinks and entertainment if that’s what you’re craving.

Lion's breath

So, I have been feeling much better. My body has almost returned to a healthier state, but my soul feels tired. I decided to take a yoga class. I couldn't deny that part of me that searches for a spiritual connection, and its hard to quiet the mind amongst so many distractions in the city. I haven't done any yoga for the past 6 months. I used to take class at work every Tuesday and Thursday for a full year. I also used to meditate regularly as well, but I just haven't been making the time for it. Being a person of such a sensitive nature, meditation helps me feel much more grounded and on track. To go to a place that lives deeper within the body, and to come home.

I spontaneously took a taxi to Prana Villa for a vinyasa yoga class. Prana is a beautiful Hindu inspired luxury resort. The yoga studio was huge, dimmly lit with incense, star windows, a giant ganesh, and star shapped lanterns. Almost like you have been transported to India. My instructor, Amanda who was this blonde, fit, tan quirky Aussie with a sultry commanding voiced, seemed to read me instantly. It's like she could read my face that I was pale. I wasn't glowing. My soul like a flame, was very dim. It was funny....she called me her angel warrior. How can someone be an angel and a warrior at the same time? Not sure, but it does sum up my mission here in Bali. Right away she had me lay on the mat, on my back and put a bolster under my rib cage...to open my heart chakra. Perfect. Just what I needed. I was starting to close myself off. Did I mention that Amanda makes these insane breathing noises. If you close your eyes it almost sounds like she's orgasiming...or in labor...or weighting lifting. Inside I was tickled with laughter and I felt embarrassed to actually allow myself to breath the same...but then she introduced me to lion's breath. I could tell I was holding back from the experience, and like I said...Amanda seemed to know it as well. She could read me like a book. I knew she was going to bring it out of me. The life breath, that we hold inside until it is stuck building up in our throats until we can't hold it in anymore.

Going from downward dog and into Lion's breath. Holding your head down towards your navel, and taking a deep breath....then letting it out like a soft roar. Allowing all the muscles in your mouth to let go, open up wide and let this breath come from the pit of your belly. It felt really good. I could picture myself as a lionness. Roaring after a kill on the sahara. Letting out all that you are holding in, that is dimming my flame.

After 45 more mintues of some serious vinyasa flow yoga, and sweating profusely, I was a new person. Stronger, self assured, re-energized, and glowing. I had come home.

So the reason I share this story is because I feel that meditation and yoga may have a place for everyone in all walks of life. Really good yoga instructors are like nurses. They nuture the soul and the body that you have chosen as your vessile in this life. Yoga is the body and soul connection. The life breath that flows through the soul ,becoming life force and energy you share with the world.

No matter how far we may travel from home in the physical sense, there is a way to find our way home within ourselves. This is what this experience reminds me. The body that houses the soul. Welcome home.

quick update

Just a couple of things....
My last day with BRP is Saturday. I leave Sanur Sunday to have some time to explore more of Bali on my own. I plan to go to the mother temple, a village that makes jewelry, and also the water palace.
I fly home October 9th.

I just found out that my sister Elizabeth is going to have another baby boy!!! Gonna be an auntie again. I already knew I was going to be an auntie, but am very happy to find out today that I will have another nephew. Can't hold back the tears. Really happy to hear this. Can't wait to go home to see how big she has gotten. Or not....sorry pinky.

I was not affected by the earthquake in Sumatra, I am safe and sound. No need to worry. All on Bali are saying prayers for the families of those that were lost. I didn't feel a thing. No need to contact the consulat...

A New Reef in Sanur

On Wednesday morning 40 volunteers dropped a new reef in Sanur Bay. 8 people to drop the 8ft x 10ft dome structure. 8 people to clean up algage on the existing coral reef in the area. 6 people to collect coral polyps from exisiting healthy reefs. Then everyone including myself took turns attaching the polyps onto the cage. I was under the water for 80 mintues and in 20 feet of water. I was soooooooo nervous. This was actually my first real open water dive outside of my certification process. It didn't help that all of my gauges were in meteric system. All I knew was that I had to surface when I started to hit the red line for my air supply. I wasn't worried anyways. I knew if I ran out of air I could swim to the surface with ease. It was only 20ft. It's like being in the deep end of the swimming pool. I was only scared about looking like a complete rookie in front of all the others. Everyone else was a dive master. Plus I really didn't want to stir up sediment, which limits visability and we had a couple of under water photgraphers with us that day.

As I did a back roll off the boat into the water, I felt myself get tuned in. Sasha our marine biologist kept a good eye on me. I think he was really surprised that I was very new to diving, and here I was trying to rally people together to save the reefs and build a new one. It's like someone talking you into taking skydiving and then you are on the plane ready to jump and you learn that it's there first time too! So funny. I like surprising people like that. It's just fun. Sometimes in life you will never be fully prepared for things, but you just gotta dive right in and learn the ropes. Naturally I am like a fish to water, so that helps alot and I did really well. I just watched from a distance, followed our marine biologist around trying to see what he was up to while the others collected coral. I was on the coral polyp team. Took lots of pictures. Saw lots of puffer fish, starfish, angel fish, black and white sea snakes, eels, coral, algae and other fish. Stayed very far away from the sea snakes, although they kind of appear out of nowhere. I saw one right at Sasha's feet, but he didn't pay any attention. I think they're poisonous?

Anyhoo, thank god I had my gloves on. Kevin got me these motor cross gloves by THOR because I had run out of time trying to find some gloves. I didn't want to buy a pair of diving gloves for tropical water, and I needed some gloves to handle the sharp coral. The coral actually feels sticky like velcro and wants to stick to your gloves. I must say that these gloves look pretty tough on me. Like I am going to go beat someone up. I love it. The gloves are handy because they also keep me from bouncing all over the reef and breaking off more coral than I was trying to save. This way I could use my finger tips to gently navigate myself through the water and I can easliy handle the coral polyp's for the cage. I must say that I did really good and hardly needed to touch anything. It's a good thing cause I was trying to take a picture of the existing artifical reefs and a little fish came up and bit me. What's up with that. It's like a two year old. Always having to put something in there mouth to see what it is. Gimme a break. These fish bite, they aren't afraid of some goofy woman in a scuba suit 500 times there size. I could almost feel the little mouth through my gloves.

At one point there were 10 people surrounding the cage to attach the coral. You have to move fast because you are running out of air with each breath. After a couple of people took off I decided to give it a try...despite my fear of starting a sand storm and stirring up sediment. I didn't come all this way to sit on the sidelines and watch. After a couple of pieces into it, I was a pro. Easy. Got in a good 20 mintues of coral on the cage before having to surface. Once I had surfaced I looked over and saw Ena. Ena is one of the founders of Bali Reef Project. It was so good to see him smile so big. Being the boss of Ena dive, you hardly see pure joy on the man's face. But it was just he and I, swimming back to the boat. It was the first time I actually felt that he let his guard down, and let me in. Giggling and laughing our way back to the boat. A rare moment that I will cherish. It was a good day.
ps, I get some pictures up later. : )

Surfing

So a couple of friends...no names...have mentioned how crazy it is that I am here in Bali, and I don't surf everyday...some of the best waves, warm water...etc....Yes, yes, I'm here. But you have to remember that I am here for some other purpose. I have my entire life to surf, but not as much opportunity to actually plant a coral reef.....so yes, I have only surfed three times since I have been here.

I surfed yesterday, stomach flu and all. With all my boys, the local boys. It was great, except for one British bitch that dropped in on me. I waited and waited patiently for my wave. She must have been out there at least an hour before I showed up. I caught this wave and it started to build momentum, pumping to pick up speed and make the section, then the bitch dropped in on me. Game over. No more mister nice gal. What the hell happened to the sister hood? I never drop in on people purposely. And there is no way in hell she didn't see me coming. I had to kick out or risk a really bad scene or accident. I probably would have ran her over. It is really dangerous to drop in on someone. One, because you can't always kick out gracefully especially of the lip of the wave. Two, it forces the other surfer to change there strategy and being in touch with the movement of the wave. Third, it's bad manners. Four, it also pushes the other surfer into the impact zone. I fall under the category of not always exiting gracefully and I almost kicked my board out at her because of the lip of the wave. I got washed into the impact zone because of her. Risking being pushed out even more over shallow reef.

So I paddle back out, and wait far outside for a set wave. After the incident I noticed that she sat further inside. I think she new I was pissed. I also noticed that she had been dropping in on other guys the entire time. No more, not my waves. That bitch has to earn her keep like the rest of us. It's funny how men want to give hand outs to the cute women. Yeah, I get it, but the message you are sending is that I am not capable of catching my own waves. Maybe it's gentlemanly...but why can't it be presented as sharing, not an act of pitty. Last week...I heard one Aussie guy explaining to a rookie (newbie surfer friend) that you have to give a couple of waves to the ladies because they don't surf as often as the men...or they can't paddle as much. FUCK THAT! I had to correct him because I couldn't stand to hear anymore of that bullshit.

Okay, so back to my surf session. I caught a really long head high wave from the top of the point to the inside section. It felt really good because I earned my street cred. and it felt really good because Blackie Montana saw it, plus the British bitch saw it too. Stay off my wave! My confidence was building and I tried to challenge myself more. "Get in the pit and try to love someone". That's my theme song in my head when I know I need to get deeper on the inside section, which risks me getting my ass kicked. Oh well.

Sorry mom, for the potty mouth.

Sick again

So, I am sick again. Not sure what it is, but I am so tired of it. I think my body needs some antibiotics. Time to surrender. I'm just not strong enough. I feel like according to Darwins theory of evolution, I would be one of the first to die off...survivial of the fittest. Unfortunately, I come from the more sensitive species. Strong at heart and soul, but my body is suffering. I got a massage last night because my body ached so bad. I need an iron gut...just don't have it. I fought off a fever last night. It was horrible. I thought my head was going to pop off my body like a popcorn kernel. It is so hot here. 40C...which is...104 degrees fahrenheit was saturday...today is Monday. I had to explain to Komang that I desperately needed a washcloth so that I could bring the fever down from my head. He came back with a dry wash cloth...let's try this again...It needs to be wet....again it comes back to me partially wet, almost dry....let's try this again...I need some ice...thank god. Finally some relief. I honestly think that had I not used the ice...my head would have exploded.

I am back in Sanur. We were supposed to drop a new reef in Sanur today, but luckily it was canceled. The cage wasn't ready. Ramadan is throwing off alot of businesses. Religion comes first here, but not that of the Javanese (Muslim). Business is second. This drives the Balinese crazy, because it isn't part of there religion. I have until Wednesday morning to get better, which means no exerting myself. We drop the reef on Wednesday morning here in Sanur just a short boat ride from the shore. It was a scare to call off the dive this morning. You risk the support of new volunteers. The Jakarta Post is supposed to cover the dive as well..it is our first major exposure to the cause. The Jakarta Post is equivalent to the Washington Post. So today, I just went to a couple more dive shops on my list and sent out some emails. Possibly get a pedicure. Then off to bed...I know it sounds all so exciting! : P

Tulamben

So, yesterday was working in Tulamben. Met a couple of really good contacts. Boy was it hotter than hell. I try to travel as light as I possibly can, but you want to be prepaired. Walking another 5km to a dive shop was not an option..only if I want to die of over heating! I could have gotten a ride with a motor bike, but part of me was tired from having strangers take me here and there. I can always try to email once I know the company name.

Tulamben is the wreck of the Liberty, a US Army Transport ship torpedoed by a Japanese submarine in 1942 lies just off shore. During high-season, up to 100 divers descend to the wreck each day. The ship rests in 30 meters of water, is roughly 25 meters from shore and can be reached with a short swim from the beach. The highest point of the wreck tops out about 5 meters from the surface. The ship was torpedoed by the Japanese off the nearby Island of Lombok and the ship was towed to the beach at Tulamben for salvage operations. The 1963 eruption of Mt. Agung, which devestated much of the eastern side of Bali, drove the ship into the water just off shore, where it became encrusted with coral and a home to other sea life. -thanks Wikipedia. Although I must say that the coral is not as pretty as Amed.

So after walking around town for a couple hours to talk to people, I decided to check out the wreck. Not sure what I would actually see since all I had was my snorkel. I geared up and decided.....what better way to find a ship than to just follow all the scuba divers. So I hovered at the surface and followed all the bubbles. I absolutely love swimming through all the bubbles as they expand towards the surface. It's like having butterfly kisses all over your body. Sure enough I came upon the wreck. It's funny how you can enjoy the wreck just as much as possibly the divers. It's very freeing to dive down amongst the scuba divers and check out the scene for a couple seconds and then dart back up for some air. It's very rewarding to try to make it down there with your own set of lungs. Plus you don't have to wear all that gear. After visiting Amed, I would have to say that it is much more rewarding to go to Amed. You get immediate satisfaction in Amed. Steps away from the beach underwater, and you can see so much. In Tulamben you have to swim out to the wreck to see anything. There may be some other things I may have missed, but Amed is one of my favorites.

Also the women in Tulamben are very, very fu@$#ing strong! They can cary three scuba tanks and tons of gear on there heads. Amazing. I can barely carry all of my gear. Sometimes I have to make two trips to get all my gear to the boat or the beach. I couldn't help but stare, it just didn't seem humanly possible. For sure without the proper training, you could break your neck! I hear that the women are prepared from childohood. Strengthening there necks and balancing things on there heads. Makes me feel pretty wimpy.

Tomorrow I head back to Sanur. Need to get fitted for all my scuba gear. We are dropping a new reef in Sanur on Monday. It may be covered in the local paper...not totally certain, but they have asked me to be intereviewed for my efforts with the organization. hmmmmm...

Some examples of artifical reefs in Amed

Concrete blocks and some other weird foundation...... ?????

Amed

So Blackie Montana and I jumped on a scooter to hit up Amed. I don't think Blackie fully understood that I was going to drag him along with me to Amed...20-30 minutes away to work. He thought I was on "Holiday"? Funny, I had to laugh really hard. I don't schlup all this shit for Holiday! Anyhoo. Amed is a big dive location in Bali. Beautiful coral reefs, great diving and very private villas. But, it's very hot. You can tell which sides of the island get the most rain. The landscape looks like Africa and it's so dry. I have no idea what these cows, goats and chickens actually find to eat. Well, actually alot of them end up eating Plastic. There is so much plastic in Bali in general, but alot of the animals try to pick through it to find something to eat. Yeh...don't pet the dogs....or if you do...if you do....wash your hands with tons of soap..not so cute and cuddly...get it.

Okay, so Blackie escorted me to about 6 or 7 dive shops. Great response and some of the locals are really happy to see that the efforts in particular areas of the island can work co-hesively under one umbrella. Bali Reef Project. What happens alot is....some dive shops want to be the saviors of there area. They want all the credit for doing anything about the reefs...but all the other dive shops want to work as a team, no matter how big or small the operation is....also in Amed, hardly anyone has a outboard motor speed boat or "dive boat". In areas as isolated as Amed the government will not allow you to have your own boat...because it will interfere and take away the earnings of the local fisherman. So alot of divers use the local fishing boats to escort guests out to dive spots. I think this is actually a great idea...the government trying to take care of the locals, but I can see how it my inconvenience a dive business.

Reef Check recently did a big study in this area and have surveyed the health of the reefs here. Alot needs to be done. Alot of dead coral. Luckily I arrived just in time. Some of the shops were debating what to do, and I think I will try to get ahold of the person from Reef Check so that we can work together. Just recently a good 15ft patch bleached out. It seemed to happen overnight, according to the locals. I really value the education from the locals, because they see things happen over short and long periods of time. The information and insight they give, is equally valuable as that of Reef Check. Reef Check does not create artificial reefs. It is more of a credible biological resource that conducts tests and surveys all over the world. So with the aid of WWF, Reef Check and Project Aware, I hope that alot can happen. That we can be instrumental in taking action. I've got my hands in many things right now. It's really exciting to ride this wave of momentum.

After sweating like a pig, I needed to get my gills wet. Blackie and I went for a dip. It's really cute cause Blackie doesn't like to wear fins, so he flounders about kicking to get around the area in the water. It's not very gracefull, but the guy covers alot of ground and he can hold his breath for a long time. I really enjoyed having a co-pilot in the water and looking at everything. There are a couple of existing artifical reef attempts in the area. Some are concrete cages, some are concrete blocks and some look like metal foundations for a house...like something before you pour the concrete.

Lots of coral, just steps from the beach. Lots of fish. A great place for snorkeling or diving. The locals recently did an underwater beach clean up here in the bay. Interesting, but the number one item that had to pull out from the sea...were bra's!! Ladies, hang onto your bra's! Or at least get back to burning them.....

So snorekling was great. Lots of angel fish, parrot fish, and some others that I have no idea what they are. I always get a little startled when they get so close because I am afraid they are going to nibble on me. Really...I know, I know...It's just a fish...but, they are parrot fish! Those things eat coral! Good little nibblers. I think that they think I am going to feed them or something, so I actually shooooooo them away. Shoooo, shooo, go away. I always end up looking behind me to see who's following me....sure enough...mr parrot fish! So I kick a little harder. shoooo, shoooo!!

So that was a good day. This was actually yesterday. I am a day behind with my posts. Today was Tulamben.

Came up for air

So, I am in the Eastern part of Bali right now. My original stomping grounds since my first time here in Bali. It was head high yesterday, long lull in between the sets, slightly over cast and slightly mushy. Surprising. If I close my eyes I can recall how I felt as I packed on my gear to paddle out. I look down at my feet. What is under your bare feet as you take step by step. Every step inentional, with weight and strength. I have to be honest and say that my legs have felt weak, timid and unsure of there strength. I haven't been in the water for two weeks. I haven't really surfed in what feels like 2.5 months. So getting into some surf over a coral reef always makes me timid. This small venture to the point....crossing the black sand with gritty coral and pebbles between my toes...., passing three small fishing villages, and new private houses being built...as I carry all my gear to the surf spot. One man recognized me from two years ago, while I was meditating on the beach. So funny, how some things don't change.

As I paddle out the water is not as warm as I thought. It is about the same temp as trunking it in Venutra in the summer. It's over cast. It's been raining the past three days off and on. I catch one wave and it starts to wall up. Good. I need a good beating. Hopefully it will get me to snap out of my funk. It starts to rain. It isn't until this moment that I crack. Weeks of holding it all in....feeling a little vulnerable lately. As the rain beats the water harder it starts to look like a shag carpet. It's just me and four other guys. One Aussie, Two japanese and one Bali boy. I am freezing. Goose bumps...but I can't go. I need another wave......

In that moment as it rained....I laughed, and I cried. I laugh because I love odd moments like this. It's raining and I get to surf in the rain on a tropical island. It's just so silly. Organized caos. Sunny one moment and raining another. I cried. I cried because I can't control any of this. I can't take back the shit that has gone wrong in the last two weeks. I can't be mad at myself for wanting to change things and wanting them to be different. That maybe I could have worked smarter, or been more efficient. Have I worked hard enough? Have I? I don't know. I am the type of person that always thinks I can work harder. Letting go of expectations....I let go in that moment with the rain penetrating my skin. Masking my tears and allowing me a moment to fall apart and have some grace at the same time. It's funny how mother nature knows exactly what you need.

I needed that....I totally needed that.

So tomorrow it is off to Amed. Friday I am off to Tulamben. Saturday I head back home, with a short visit to Padang Bai on my way back to Sanur.
Then, dropping a reef on Sunday. Then hopefully some more diving next week.

I can't get to my Facebook at this time, so my appologies for any updates.

I have attached a picture of my little Balinese cuties, Komang's niece and nephew. They live next door to my room in Sanur. The boy cries quite a bit...But when I come home they always want me to take there picture, and now it has grown to them and their friends. The small mass of children is growing. Yesterday was Komang's nephew's fifth birthday. I got him some Hotwheels cars. He loved them!! I love them too.

A good night

So last night Harold and I were invited to attend a barbeque at one of the three major dive shops in Sanur. It was a fudnraiser for Project Aware. A joint nonprofit with Padi, that educates the dive community about environmentalism and how to care for underwater habitats while participating in the sport. Teaching stewardship and responsibility. Harold and I had no idea what we were getting our selves into when we accepted the invitation, but every little thing counts here. I think we were both alittle nervous, being the newbies.

I am starting to feel the momentum. So from my encounter with the British snobby dive lady, it led me to Else of Crystal Divers and Tom of Blue Seasons, from there I met Jonathan who introduced me to Peter, and so on. So one little unpleasant incident with the British chick actually ended up serving my purpose here on Bali in a big way. Who would have thought that last night I would have sat right next to the head of Asia-Project Aware. Project Aware is big and they came out of PADI. PADI, the global institution for scuba dive certification programs. Henrik a very nice gentleman from Sydney was very informative and made us aware of grants provided by the organization. In turn we were very excited to pitch to him our organization in person. No email, and no cold calling. What a great opportunity for all three of us to put a face with names, while at a barbeque.

I greatly enjoyed talking with Henrik (Project Aware) about surfing, and how protecting the reefs was not just a responsibility of divers. Divers tend to think that they are the only ones that know about what's under the water. I simply explained to him that I don't identify myself as a diver, and a part of the dive community. I just learned how to dive and I am a surfer. I'm a rookie at diving. Surfers care about reefs, and how some of the best waves in the world are on coral reef. That surfer's know alot about ocean currents, swells, weather patterns, coastal errosion, water shed pollution, coastal landscapes and how artificial reefs create waves. Henirk was very surprised to learn all this. Am man from Syndey Australia...a surf mecca, was surprised to hear all this....I pitched that perhaps his organization could also reach a broader audience than just divers. I wanted him to understand that Bali Reef Project was not just a non-profit to benefit the dive community. It is to also benefit anyone who cares about and plays in the ocean. When the surf is flat many surfers enjoy other water hobbies, such as spear fishing, free diving, snorkeling, ocean swimming, kayaking, etc. It is a lifestyle, not just a hobby or for sport. It was a really great conversation. I have so many ideas going through my mind...it's crazy, but that passion is what fuels me and what makes me tick.

Harold was very pleased, he loves all my ideas. It's exactly what he needs. I can tell that he is very happy to have a side kick. His eyes are full of excitement. I feel that without all my leg work maybe none of this would have come to light. Harold never knew anything about any of these bigger dive shops in Sanur. He had no idea the scope of their connections. Bali is a mecca of global people. This is what I love about the island. It has movers and shakers. People who want to make things happen. And they do. These people are great contacts and great supporters for our cause. Real power houses. I have to take a moment to pat myself on the back. All the hot days of totting my laptop, of endless hours of walking through town lost, of sleepless nights with roosters, crying babies, second hand smoke, scooter pollution, crying my eyes out, hot flashes and the flu. I have done a good thing in as little as two weeks. I have been in the right places at the right time. My dad always told me that I was a lucky person and I have always believed him. What good does it do me to believe otherwise....that I have no power and that I have no way of calling something good into my life. Law of Attraction....gotta believe.

I think for Harold this would have taken him months or even years. So it makes me very happy, to see him so happy. To see him have hope again and to see him re-energized. Because he is the one who has to keep going when I am gone. I wish I could be here for six months or even a year. It isn't completely impossible. Harold has no doubt in his mind, that I could have the whole island covered by that time. But right now I am greatful for this new perspective on the island and just my little section of it. Knowing it not only as a tourist and a surfer, or a diver, but also knowing it from the people who inhabit it for many years.

Giving is something we need to continue to explore. Giving without money. I mean giving of your mind, your heart and your soul. Sharing your ideas, bringing people together. This is what makes this experience worthwhile (life) and also getting to know yourself. Getting to know what you can handle. I haven't been able to handle all of this with grace, but I have had to dig deep and remind myself why I am here. Humbled and vulnerable. It isn't about me. It's about giving and learning to give in new ways. The world is a small place.

Earthquake

So we had an earthquake yesterday morning around 7am. It felt like at least a 4.0. The origin of theearthquake was right in Nusa Dua...only 20 minute drive away from Sanur. I woke up to the rumbling, of course everyone else is already up by 6am, except for me. Poked my head out the door wrapped in my bed sheet to see what was going on. I was more afraid of the strength of my room than anything else and pictured the ceiling caving in if the quake got stronger. Everything shook pretty good. Tina was absoultely frightened and called for me to run outside when she caught sight of me at my door. Obediently I ran out in nothing but my bed sheet. Classic....toga style. It was slightly embarrassing..one because I was still in bed, and two because I was naked under my bed sheet, except for little Gastel, who was completely nude in the middle of the patio while her mother continued to give her a bath. Being from Santa Barbara County and growing up with earthquakes was not something scary to me. I was more afraid of the integrity of my Balinese bedroom. Tina and my Balinese family were terrified. They still remember the sunami a couple years ago that wipped out thousands of people and now there are signs all over the island that display...run for the hills, with a giant wave behind the image of the person. Straight to the point, and necessary. Later that day and evening we did not encounter anymore tremors, so hopefully that is it and everything can get back to normal.

flo rida "Sugar"

Thank god for Flo Rida!!!...Kevin, you came through. I listen to "Sugar" everytime I have to cross the freeway here in Sanur. It's a major road. I plugg that song into my ipod, crank up the volume and it puts a little hip hop in my step and gives me a little push to run across the road. I trot into the city twice a day for some buzzzness, food or luxuries. This freeway is four lanes. Two in one direction and two in the other. There is a median with Plumeria trees. I have to becareful everytime because there are so many scooters, takis, buses, bike and trucks. Everyone is going at there own speed or the flow of traffic??? I think more at ther eown speed. I feel like I am trying to cross the boarder or something. Like an immigrant. Everyone honks, and I have no idea why. They are honk happy here. One honk for a ride from a taxi, another honk around a blind corner from trucks and scooters, and another honk because they think you're cute. I just turn up the volume and rock out. Repeat, repeat, repeat....Thanks Kevin, you're helping me keep my sanity.

Finally a bread crumb

So yesterday was also a very good day outside of coming down with the flu. Harold and I met with two really big dive shops here in Sanur. We need these dive shops for the exposure and the man power. Funding will have to come from International sources. Not here and not from the dive shops. Tomorrow night there is a really big event celebrating the anniversary of Blue Seasons dive shop. We are hoping to get even more exposure and help from PADI. A worldwide dive organization. I don't want to bite off more than we can chew, I want to make sure that our shit is dialed. Our procedures, and our team. Harold was really excited with the work I have done. So finally I feel that all of this has not been a complete waste. It has been a slow start for me. Today I actually want to do alot of research about the island and other coral reef projects in the area. I also want to look into other substrates that can be used to anchor the artificial reefs. These reefs have to weather the storm and swells around here. We don't want all this work to go to waste and I don't want our new team to get disenchanted too quickly by not taking the time to do the research and getting it done right. Mother nature will take it's course for sure, but we still need to do our best work here, and as cheaply as possible. Ramadan has been a problem here. All the Javanese go home until the end of Ocotber. We have a reef scheduled for the end of this month and of course our welder is Javanese. It's funny to hear the Balinese complain about these things. They really don't have nice things to say about each other. Bali produces 30% of the GNP for Indonesia in tourism alone.

I don't want to sound like an idiot tomorrow night, so I will be on the computer all day today. So lots to do. I know I should rest, but all the nice hotels are booked. Nowhere to stay until middle of next week without straying too far from Sanur. Would like to hit up Kuta, Uluwatu and Ubud soon. Schedule a dive to Tulamben next week. Lots to do and so little time for it all. I need 6 months here to really do some damage on the island..... : )

Need 9 or 8 people.

I really want to help Ege go back to school. Ege is 20 years old and she lives in Ubud. Like many she works 2 jobs. Her life. Means....working 6am to 2pm in Sanur, then driving to Ubud for her second job from 3pm to 10pm. Wake up the next day and do it all over again. I can see her 5 years from know looking more ragged and aged by 10 years with this schedule. If she only works on job one day, then she works in the rice fields either in the morning or in the afternoon with her mother and father. Work, work, work....She really likes to learn and asks me all kinds of questions about my lap top. I can tell she is smart. Her English is decent, but could use a little more refining. School costs. 10 million rupia per year. I can't afford to pay for it all by myself, but I have the idea of trying to get 9 or 8 other people who would like to sponsor Ege by contributing $10/ month for her schooling. I want to see if my friend Ketut (Donna) will mentor her and make sure that she is getting good grades. I want to make sure that Ege is holding her end of the bargain and will have to turn her grades into Ketut. A check and balance system. I know I will be back to Bali to check up on her. I am pretty sure that I could wire a monthly payment to Harold (Bali Reef Project) through paypal for her schooling or maybe visit her school of choice to see if there would be a way to pay the funds directly. Not sure. But taking all this one step at a time. I want to help her help herself. To become more educated, so that she can have one good job and possibly take better care of her family. Have more time to enjoy this life, because it is so short. She only gets one day off to clean her home and do errands. So, this is my proposal. I need 9/ or eight people to commit. No half ass or bailing on this one if you want to committ. I don't want to promise something and then not deliver. Let me know if you are interested. Why her you may ask???? I guess all I have to say is....why not. Why not give it a try? We give because we are in a position to give and without giving, life cannot give back to us. I don't know why I have been so blessed in this life, but I am very greatful.

Rock bottom

I have the flu. It sucks. I am so sick. My poor body is strong, but very sensitive right now. The flu is going around and I've got it. I wish I was from a stronger breed, but I am misrable right now. Went to the pharmacy yesterday and got some herbs and some vitamins. If I don't get better, I can't surf, and I can't scuba. No manta's and no shipwrecks. This sucks. There is a really good swell right now and I'm outta commission. Ugh...I've worked so hard on the scuba thing...it makes me so sad right now. I think I need to find a new place to live as well. I think it will crush Komang. I think I offer some newness to his daily life. I don't feel that his real family really cares about him. It makes me so sad. He makes more money being a dive master and he buys the family good food and whatever they need. We went to a barbeque the other night at his family house, which is right behind the house I am staying in. The woman I orginally thought was his mother, is actually his aunt. He's kind of an outcast. Not sure why? Fresh tuna. Yummy. I remember looking around at all the hungry faces (all men/ boys...where are all the women???) and thinking...this fish is going to feed all of us???? I ate very little that night.

Komang also funds the building of the new home. The other night I taught him how to play hearts. The power went out on the entire island. It was an opportunity for the island to go to bed early. It was funny...Komang did not like to loose, and I took this opportunity to talk some shit. Yeah, not trying to beat the guy while he was on a loosing streak, but more so to humble him. Everything can be black and white to him. He is so competitive and he has to be better than me. One time he called me a "stupid girl" and I had to give him my Medusa look. That shut him up really quick. I think he meant to be funny. Maybe it's the machisimo thing? We weren't going to bed that night until he won a game and was an equal....I also introduced him to my word finder puzzles. He loves them. they are in english and it helps him to practice his spelling. I let him take it on the boat with him and he was really excited.

Last night I called him to pick me up because I was too sick to walk home. For some reason he thought my call meant...come to the restuarant and have a beer, and smoke a cigarette. Not so good. i was very impatient. I was freezing. All I wanted to do was go home. The cigarette smoke is making me so naseau here. Everyone smokes. I have had my fair share of second hand smoking. I ened up walking home half way and then getting a taxi. Komang couldn't understand my impatience...yet again, another mis-understanding. I don't think I can do it anymore.

No office

That's right, I have no office. Everyday I have to go to a local villa to get internet connection. I don't have internet connection in the privacy of my room. The founder of the BRP lives miles away and drives in to Sanur for us to meet up and discuss things. I think I can work faster and more efficiently if I could get internet at my home. It's much more convenient and I could do research at night and be more productive during the day. So, my life lines are the internet and my cell phone. Tracking down managers and dive masters everday is very hard. Currently I am trying to get members from all the dive shops in the area. Being sick right now doesn't help. I can't seem to shake this cold, and it's slowing me down. The dive masters are in after 3pm. I can't target all of them, so 2 a day seems like a good start. Even then, I may have missed them after they have gone diving. I need to dive master when we go to plant a reef, we need there support and there business for free advertisement and awareness. There are 30 dive shops in Sanur alone. I have only made contact with one of two. I have to follow up with two more today. So my success rate is not very high right now. It should be simple, but it's not. You have to call or speak with someone in person inorder to get anything done around here. Even if you call or SMS (text) and they don't know who you are...they will never respond. So being face to face seems like the best approach, and that's if they even feel like talking to you after a full days of work. It's rough. It's high season. Business is booming right now and everyone has to work. Dive masters dive every day. 2-3 dives a day. Alot of them are sick and have problems with there sinuses. I am trying to get a little teapot to show Komang how to you a netty pot. He has worked the last 2 months without a day off. Can you imagine? Diving everyday 2-3 times a day. The water is either very cold or very warm depending on the dive. Diving is really hard on your body. The exposure to pressure, and drastic changes in environments. They are not used to the cold here and can barely tolerate it. So, poor guy has been having a really hard time equalizing. If you are sick, it's very very painful, and very dangerous to dive. You cannot clear the pressure from your ears of your nasal cavities. It's horrible. But they dive, because they have to work. They have a contract. It is only if the doctor literally writes them a note, that they have an excuse to not work. They have to work. Komang hardly complains, even when he gets bloddy noses. Not good. Hopefully I can push him to see a nose specialist, but we shall see. I don't know how he can do it. I fear that something really bad will happen before something good will happen.

If I can get contacts from all 30 dive shops before I leave...I will be happy with my work.

I have to take this opportunity to apologize for my potty mouth...but you have to understand that I am sick and not feeling well...that always seems to make me alittle less graceful. My mother knows this all too well...Her little troll....

Boat ride home from Nusa

Fuck, that hurt. Up and down we go. Landing with a really hard thud. Babies crying and luggage moving. I missed the public boat and had to get on a speed boat back to Sanur or stay another night. Thought it was slightly luxurious, and easy to get on the speed boat, but I had no choice. Public boat...not gonna happen. I needed to get back to work, so staying another night was silly. So I get on the speed boat with a bunch of locals. Have no idea how, cause it costs 150,000 rupia person. I think I got ripped off. Anyway, some shirtless tatooed asswhole is behind the wheel smoking a cigarette as we bounce all over the place. Huge air drops. Every other word out of my mouth is....FUCK... Oh, my GOD... I don't keep my mouth shut. Sorry kids, auntie is a little freaked out. I'm going to die on the speed boat and not the public boat with one good motor and 4o plus people going 15 mph. I'm going to dye with captain zero who has a Billabong sticker and magic mushroom's airbrushed on the interior of the cabin. There's no fucking way I am giving anyone a tip after this. Don't even look at me, cause right now my stare could turn anyone to stone. I was pissed. No consideration for the crying baby, and also still smoking in a closed cabin. This boat ride sucks. Miserable and praying the entire time. When we land...all I want to do is go home. I don't want someone to pester me about transport, leave me the fuck alone. Mama isn't happy. Vacation is over. Back to the grind.

Last night at Nusa Lembogan

Had a great time. Blackie is a great host. He's the favorite uncle. Born into a family of seven. The middle child. The nephews love him. Spoils his mother and his friends. A very giving soul. Has alot of good friends and has people come to stay with him from all over the world. We had a good conversation about the Bali Reef Project. What are you doing??? Why don't you get paid????This is very puzzling to the Balinese. Working for free??? Nothing is free to them. I literally have to explain this concept to many educated Balinese, so I get it. It's absoutely absurd to them. They understand the giving part...but for free.....not getting it. They think we should have an office, with a proper paid staff. Yeah, I get that...but not if the money isn't there. They point to Surfaid as an example. If Surfaid can pay people, why can't we. One woman had the absurdity to want a cut from any government funding we could recieve. She could be our contractor because she has a family to support. We should understand that....yeah, I get it, but I still go back to the definition of VOLUNTEER. I think she missed the part where we weren't trying to twist her arm into helping us. NON-PROFIT....remember. Why don't we just pay some official off in the government sector ourselves and contribute to goverment corruption??? Smart lady....definetly a business woman. I just have to smile and laugh at the same time. It's absurd, but yet creative. Gotta love Bali.

If Blackie had his way he would first put more money into the local schools, then build a hospital, then create a recycling/ trash program...all on Nusa. Why the hell should they put the reefs first? Crazy and a waste of time...he says. Did I mention that the beaches are currently littered with broken coral. Everywhere......I collected a couple pieces hoping that the scientist could put some names to the different spieces for me. All dead and adrift from the recent swell. Alot of it is used in sea walls...mixed with concrete, and to separate properties. At least the dead stuff is being used for something....but not sure about the bigger pieces I see. Don't ask. It will just make me sad.

It seems pointless to Blackie for me to want to save the reefs. The people aren't educated. They don't care or they don't understand. Good point. Education is key. All we can do is keep trying. But Blackie believes that he is a small man. Not important. How could he ever change anything? He has a great idea for a trash pick-up project, that would create a couple small jobs...but then where does the trash go anyways. Of course the cheif would have to approve of a place to dump it all. What then...they just burn it anyways. But then again..he isn't rich. Blackie does good for himself, but he isn't rich. Everyone else is rich....rolex watches...louis vitton. Yeah, he knows the name brands. He's not stupid. If you aren't rich...you can't get anything done around here. I can see his point. It seems like such a huge hurdle. I don't know how to convince someone that everyone has a voice and an opportunity to create a change. I think he would be a perfect candidate to create change. He has been exposed to so many things. He speaks english very well. He's a local. The only Blackie on the island. Everyone knows Blackie. You get lost...just ask for Blackie. You'll find him. The words just aren't there to motivate. I can't find them in my throat. Hopefully the right situation will present itself...where you can show him, that he has the power to create change. To be a leader. He would be a great leader and advocate for anything on that island.

My energy is very drained right now, but my hope isn't lost. My body is tired. But my heart is really opening up to understanding all of this. You can't loose hope. You see so much trash on the beach. I counted 30 water bottles alone on the small secret beach from snorekling the other day. I ask myself...why did I choose a 3rd world country? Why did I choose this experience. There's trash everywhere. I know, I know.....Its so easy to want to give in and just count the days until I come home. But I don't want that. I don't want to just put up with it for now and then forget about it later. I want to see this change, because I have friends here. They consider you there extended family. It's going to take a miracle to change anything around here....how do you create long lasting change.....For some crazy reason...I'd rather have it the hard way and keep trying. Swim against the current. Keep trying.

So tonight, Blackie and I are off to get some drinks and meet up with Justin and Troy. Five bintangs later, and some beef strogonoff...and a bigger group...lots of fun. Good conversations. I have no idea how I am going to get up in the morning and surf. Ugh....dehydrated, and now too much beer. Still sick. Not a good idea, but hell. You gotta live it up. I'm gonna miss this place. But hopefully I will be back before I leave for home and see Blackie again.

Nusa Lembogan day 2

If the surf is too big maybe there will be some time to snorkel on the other side of the island. You never know. It's amazing how it can change so drastically (the surf).....or not.....A small group of us got on some scooters to have a look-sie. What I love about Nusa is that most of the island survives off of sea weed harvesting, not soley tourism. People bugg you less. Seaweed, not sarongs or transport, although we did get jumped by three 8 year olds wanting there photo taken....then wanting money for it. Nice hustle boys. Seaweed. Something sustainable, and harvested everyday. 2,000 rupia per kilo. Basicaly about $1.80 USD per kilo. They literally have patches ropped off for the harvesting in the bay on the other side of the island. Instead of rice fields, there are hundreds of blue green seaweed lots. Harvested, separated by color, by spieces, and dried on tarps in the sun. It doesn't really stink. Surprised. It gets shipped off to China/ Japan for cosmetics and food. Year round. Although it grows slower in the rainy season.

So back to our snorkel adventure. Nope. None at the secret beach. The swell had wipped out alot the white sand. Waves breaking all over the place. The perfect place for some idiot to drown. Not Justin. Justin decides, it's perfect for a little dip and adventure. "K, you wanna snorkel?"...he says..you should have seen the look on my face. Are you out of your fucking mind? It looks like the napali coast on Kauai where they tell you not to swim. Sure enough he gets in....this will be interesting. I know the guy is a studd. Indiana Jones of the Pacific, but this was pushing my limits of comfort. I was worried for him and didn't want to play life guard. I figured I was the strongest swimmer in our group. Willing to go in after him. I really didn't want to, but if I had to. Not a second thought would cross my mind. I would have to go in too. Scared. Next he decides that just bobbing along in the high surf, isn't enough. He has to climb the cliff and then jump off when the water has filled into the bay. Ay, Dios! Insert...sign of the cross.

So after my little dip in the ocean, we head back to my place for some pool time and then it's off for a surf. Snorkeling is not on the list. I ended up paddling out to Playgrounds that afternoon. It was either all or nothing. I either get terribly sick or I get a good battle wound of reef rash to go home with. That's it. You just gotta suck it up and get out there. The swell had dropped, but Lacerations was still pumping, and Playgrounds was still a good 3 feet overhead on the sets. I could hear people on the pontoon hooting at all the boys getting barreled at Laceractions. I could also hear the fears of terrror as someone didn't make it. Chewed up and spit out. I sit on the shoulder of course at Playgrounds. Reef just does something to me. It takes away my courage, and then I have to go find it again. I have to hustle again amongst all the men. Not fun, but good experience. Ay, Dios! Only two waves...I'm happy. Time to head home.

Sure enough as I paddle in the side current is really strong. Great. I'm heading straight for the rocks at Coconut beach.....and everyone is watching....great. Don't panic, don't panic. Paddle your ass off to the inside and catch a wave in. Easier said than done. God I wish I had someone with me. Fuck....okay. I got it, I got it. I can finally exhale and relax. Back to Tamarind bay.

The sun is setting....the tide is really high, and waves are pumping. Line after line, after line. God I wish I had my camera. The scene was picturesque.