Rock bottom

I have the flu. It sucks. I am so sick. My poor body is strong, but very sensitive right now. The flu is going around and I've got it. I wish I was from a stronger breed, but I am misrable right now. Went to the pharmacy yesterday and got some herbs and some vitamins. If I don't get better, I can't surf, and I can't scuba. No manta's and no shipwrecks. This sucks. There is a really good swell right now and I'm outta commission. Ugh...I've worked so hard on the scuba thing...it makes me so sad right now. I think I need to find a new place to live as well. I think it will crush Komang. I think I offer some newness to his daily life. I don't feel that his real family really cares about him. It makes me so sad. He makes more money being a dive master and he buys the family good food and whatever they need. We went to a barbeque the other night at his family house, which is right behind the house I am staying in. The woman I orginally thought was his mother, is actually his aunt. He's kind of an outcast. Not sure why? Fresh tuna. Yummy. I remember looking around at all the hungry faces (all men/ boys...where are all the women???) and thinking...this fish is going to feed all of us???? I ate very little that night.

Komang also funds the building of the new home. The other night I taught him how to play hearts. The power went out on the entire island. It was an opportunity for the island to go to bed early. It was funny...Komang did not like to loose, and I took this opportunity to talk some shit. Yeah, not trying to beat the guy while he was on a loosing streak, but more so to humble him. Everything can be black and white to him. He is so competitive and he has to be better than me. One time he called me a "stupid girl" and I had to give him my Medusa look. That shut him up really quick. I think he meant to be funny. Maybe it's the machisimo thing? We weren't going to bed that night until he won a game and was an equal....I also introduced him to my word finder puzzles. He loves them. they are in english and it helps him to practice his spelling. I let him take it on the boat with him and he was really excited.

Last night I called him to pick me up because I was too sick to walk home. For some reason he thought my call meant...come to the restuarant and have a beer, and smoke a cigarette. Not so good. i was very impatient. I was freezing. All I wanted to do was go home. The cigarette smoke is making me so naseau here. Everyone smokes. I have had my fair share of second hand smoking. I ened up walking home half way and then getting a taxi. Komang couldn't understand my impatience...yet again, another mis-understanding. I don't think I can do it anymore.